“Itty-bitty living space”
I have my own room…It’s small, but its mine.
I have my own bed. I have my own bathroom. I have to share the kitchen, but I have my own personal space period.
Although it is itty-bitty, it is all mine and all paid for.
That is all I could think of when I first walked into my flat (dorm). The residents halls I currently live in are designated for Kingston University freshers (freshmen) and international students studying at the campus for one year or more. However, I am only here for a semester and due to my hidden disability I was granted residence halls housing at Seething Wells.
To some the small quarters would feel cramped, but oddly enough, I feel free. A space of my very own has allowed my mind to roam freely. This space in the Kingston Halls allows my mind to ponder in a uninterupted state. This itty-bitty space has allowed my mind to think big—to be in a constant state of Alpha.
Being thousands of miles away from my family, means that all the responsibilities of daily life are all on me. This idea of “responsibility” was something I thought to be feared. That idea was something I thought to be avoided. That idea was something I thought I could not do. But, this thought–this fear–was a mode of thinking that developed over an extensive amount of time. Being outside of my all too familiar enivornment has shocked me into seeing responsibility in a different light. This shock was something that I prayed for about a 18 months ago.
When I was a child, I was so used to adults always being discontent about being a grown-up. At least that is how I interpreted it. The grown folks would always tell me and any other kid that would listen…”You don’t want to be grown. Then you have to take care of yourself, pay bills, ….(and the list of negatives associated with responsibilities strung on).”
With the type of mind that I had, those words of advice were not taken lightly. With so many adults coming to the same consesus about the responsiblities of being grown…I thought it would never be a good idea to grow-up. For as long as I could remeber the Toy “R” Us jingle has been my life anthem. “I don’t wanna grow up. I’m a Toy “R” Us kid. There’s a million toys at Toy ‘R’ Us that I can play with.”
I thought that being in a constant state of play, not as in having whimsical fun, but having no responsibility, was the best life to have. Being in the UK…I realized that is not the life for me in fact.
Those adults forgot to tell me and the other kids that being grown means you get to make your own decision without asking permission every time. Being grown means experiencing life as it happens and not as a playful fantasy. Being grown means standing on your own two feet and congratulating yourself and reprimanding yourself to make it through life’s race successfully. Being grown means accepting and understanding who you are and how you think. They forgot to tell me that being grown is not something you want to avoid. Being grown is a part of life, and responsibility is a part of life. Being a responsible adult has so many positives that counter all the negatives. But, me living life and coming to this conclusion is a part of my personal “mental” growing-up process.
But hey…by no means should you cast away your inner child and put away your toy box…playing is fundamental. The “fundamentals” are the foundation of all realities. That is why we “play with the idea” before we do it. That is why we “play with the words” before we say or write them. Just be responsible when you play life’s game and never think itty-bitty…always go big.
-Kia O. Moore